mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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