So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
