I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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