so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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