K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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