He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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