I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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