yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
