I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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