Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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