Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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