Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
