im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
zippers are such a cool invention
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
