In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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