so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
