i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
