Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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