I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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