Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
