Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
