her vagine was all disorganized.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
