and i looked up. we had an audience...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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