and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
