i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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