Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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