dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Two words: nipple clamps
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