If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
