if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
