I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i believe in u and ur pee
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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