Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
