So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize