Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
