her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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