So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
