This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
