Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
