I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
