so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
