my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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