He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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