i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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