Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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