Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
