I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
