The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
