At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
