Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
