And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
