I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
