sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
