I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
